I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
pray to the hookup gods
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
