**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Randomize
