Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
