Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The uberlube is also flammable
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
