You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
