She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries