dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?