Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
