Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
