I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Randomize
