Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
