It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
sarcasm needs its own font
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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