There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
