Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize