I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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