He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
