i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
