I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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