So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i can't believe i had my finger in that
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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