does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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