just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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