Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
