Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize