If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
