So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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