Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You're earring is so big in my mouth
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
