Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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