Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
