In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
