That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
