dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I have fence marks all over my body
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
