Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
