So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
My penis needs a shock collar
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
