Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I bet he comes in French.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
