so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
