Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
