I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
