i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Randomize
