no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
