He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
