Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
We are two peas in an std pod
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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