this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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