I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
