Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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