you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
