I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
