she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
splinters make it hard to masturbate
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
