You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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