Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
