There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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