things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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