i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
