This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
