they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
