i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
