What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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