The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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