I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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