we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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