she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
