god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
