You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
