I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
