How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize