Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
