The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
