My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
