Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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