Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
