dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
